Week 27 of my 52 week self portrait project has finally made an appearance and even though it took its own sweet time to get here, I'm pretty sure there was some crazy universe shit that was making me wait....
The basis of my entire business is built around showing up - being vulnerable enough to express who you really are with complete abandon - live into your truths - and having fun telling your story.
Yet - here I sit.. on the other side of the camera, merely entertaining the idea and hoping that is enough..
News flash to ME.. it's not!!...
Its time for me to step into the light that scares the crap out of me because then - OH NO - THEN, people will actually see me, know me and **GASP** possibly dislike me?... oh jeez.. here we go..
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As you can see - I'm totally nude in these photos (ok you cant see that, but I'm admitting this to you now..) and these are the reasons it scares me the most:
1) People knowing I CHOSE to take photos of myself nude and judging me for that.
2) My family and friends thinking I am some kind of freakshow, and dissaproving of me and my business.
3) Showing my flaws willingly... stretch marks, pock marks, red marks.. my imperfectness.
4) Setting myself up for judgement and ridicule behind my back amoung my community - at the store, daycare, out for a walk...
In a nutshell: being talked about negatively is a huge fear of mine. I'm a people pleaser by nature, and I'm slowly learning that it's not sustainable for me, and I can not move forward with what I want to do if I am constantly in fear of what people might think.
Especially when it comes to me telling my story....
Telling my story has been hard for me because I felt like I didn't have one.
I felt like I didn't have too much to say about my past because I thought you needed to go through some horrible experiences in order to have a story. And I am thankful that my life has led me through relatively unscathed..
But I missed the point completely.
The point of telling our story isn't to compare ourselves to another's heartwrenching, emotional, and often painful pasts - but to accept each story for what it is, and who is telling it.
That's all lovely and great hey? What a revelation I have made?.. well, I didnt get there willingly, and definitely not by myself.
So, if you see the little 14k gold bow on my finger, just know that it's there to remind myself of who I am, and not who I thought I needed to be. Telling me that my story is compelling, awesome, amazing and great - just as much as anyone else's.
It's there to tell me to shut out anything that doesn't speak to my identity because my time and energy are worth more than that.
It's there to make me feel pretty, and loved, and cared for - not from a boyfriend or lover - but from myself.
This little bow is the inspiration behind the big decisions I will make moving forward in my life. It may not look like a big deal, but I'm so excited to have found the Forget Me Knots and to be able to offer them as a part of my women's Wholehearted Sessions.
Check out more info on the Forget Me Knots at thefmks.com
So if you've made it to the bottom of this post - congrats! It was longer than I anticipated.
You may have a few questions about where my Self Portrait Project: Weeks 1 thru 26 are, and you can still find them HERE at my previous blog.
This is probably only the beginning of "my story" so you'll have to check back for more soon.
Thanks for your support, or criticism, or love, or hate.. whatever it may be - thanks for showing up and giving a shit!